tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5561644664649406401.post6997947338420694312..comments2023-04-23T07:09:41.748+03:00Comments on Empty Cradle, Empty Heart: Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10006477385560302312noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5561644664649406401.post-26549233101198165052011-09-06T07:50:41.636+03:002011-09-06T07:50:41.636+03:00Be easy on yourself. Grief is incredibly painful,...Be easy on yourself. Grief is incredibly painful, but it's also a normal reaction to tragedy.<br /><br />When I had my loss, one thing that made it worse for me was this pressure from those close to me to act as if I was "fine". I know they loved me, but they had no idea just how much emotional energy it took to shield them from the fact that I was still crying every day, even months after the fact.<br /><br />I struggled with feeling like a horrible person because I hated seeing pregnant women or babies. I literally had to talk myself through it, saying "you don't hate them, you actually love them and want to be pregnant and have a baby, but you want it so much that they are a painful reminder of your loss". Later, when I finally found support boards for loss, I realized that these feelings were really common. I resorted to an extreme DIY de-sensitization strategy: watching tons of episodes of A Baby Story, since it contained so many triggers, yet was so repetitive. <br /><br />If you can, find some good support groups - online and in person. I can promise that there are other women in your community who have been through similar losses, and that you'll feel better talking with those who won't judge your pain but will relate to it.<br /><br />The drugs can help you to cope with the pain and find the strength to go on, but they won't eliminate the pain. All I can say is that you don't get OVER it, you get THROUGH it. You can't bypass it. You need to grieve, and it takes far longer than you'd expect. Yes, one day you will get to the other side, and be able to think about Gabbi without searing pain, but that point is still a long way off.<br /><br />Keep track of the small things that ease the darkness. Just as it is okay to grieve, it's also okay to have bright moments and times that you feel good. Little things that helped me included:<br /><br />- cleaning<br />- working<br />- getting together with friends who could make me laugh<br />- walking/exercise/dancing<br />- sunshine<br />- eating yummy stuff<br />- being with my husband<br />- taking a hot bathLaw momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.com