I forgot to write in about yom tov. I did not go to shul at night, I just could not deal with it. DH said two of his friends were wonderful about making sure he was included, and when he sat alone coming over to be with him. The Rabbi sat with him for a little bit also. (Not sure if I wrote here about the Rabbi coming all the way up the hill Yom Kippur night to give us a bracha for a good year and that our tefillot should be answered because he did not catch us at shul. It is a steep walk with a lot of steps from his place to ours at the best of times, when I could not even offer him a drink it must have been terrible!)

Anyhow, during the day I was planning to just send my daughter and to go for yizkor. DH came home. The Rabbi had come over to him to see how he was doing. He explained briefly how hard simchat Torah is in particular (As opposed to the rest of the chagim which are just hard). The Rabbi asked gently if he would be mechubad with kol hanearim. DH said yes. This is the 2nd year in a row he has had the "honour" purchased for him. So he came home to get me.

I went in for the aliya. I forgot that at the end they always sing "Hamalach hagoel". It was my dad's favourite song. On top of sobbing through the aliya, this is my first set of chagim since my dad passed. I did make it through the various aliyot after that and said yizkor, but after that I fled and spent 20 minutes sobbing on a step near the shul.

Please, please please let some newlywed have the "kavod" next year. I am not sure I can take any more of it.