Thursday, March 17, 2011

My dear Sweet little Gabbi, So many things I will never know about you.  What colour where your eyes?  Your hair?  Did you have the same long fingers as your sister or the same funny little toes.  What would your laugh have sounded like?  Your cry?  I want to know it all.  

You never heard the stories we told Channah- will never know about flutter and toro or blacky cacky.  Never heard the lullabies or felt us rub your back while we tried to soothe you to sleep.  I will never get to wipe your tears or snuggle you in the mornings.  You will never get a bracha from your Abba.

You will never feel the May wind on your face or see the streets lined with succahs.  Never wear a purim costume or dance with your Abba on simchat torah.  But you are my daughter and I love you so much I can not even begin to tell you how much I will miss you at each of those moments.  I can imagine your laugh and your smile- see your blue eyes that I imagine are just like your sister’s.  Feel your warm little arms around my neck.

My Gabbi I will never, ever forget you.  You are with me every moment of every day, and every minute is more lonely for your loss.  I love you so, so much.

2 ½ weeks have gone by now and I miss you more and more every day.  They tell me it will get easier, but I don’t believe them.  Each day is harder that the last.  Everyone keeps reminding me I need to go on for Channah and for your abba, but I only ache to have you in my arms.  I want to come be with you my sweet Gabbi- I only don’t know how to get there.    It takes more courage that I can get together.

I love you Gabbi.

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