Today I was back at the centre of my own personal little piece of hell.  Back at the hospital where it all happened.  Same places.  I though I was going to end up in emergency- not because of what I was actually there for, no that  was not a big deal at all.  The place itself brought on a panic attack worse than I have had in a long, long time (and that was with having taken a full dose of anti-anxiety pills for the first time in a long time). I got off the elevator and the world started to spin.  I thought I was going to pass out then and there.

I made it.  I am totally emotionally drained. I mean totally and completely wiped.

But I survived.  I did it and if I need to I will manage to do it again.  I just hope I don't need to.

To those who pray, wish, think happy thoughts, or in general have their own way of sending good wishes, I would really appreciate it over the next little bit.  To those who know or understand, Lord do I hate this roller coaster ride.