Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Had a long talk with one of the women I know who have gone through this and now help council others before I went to bed last night and, while I did drug myself to sleep for fear of never getting there on my own, I did feel quite a bit better afterwards.  I am really, really glad that I found this woman.  She is actually a longtime family friend who I never had much to do with on a one to one scale because she was my mom's friend, but the truth is that I have no idea how I would have gotten this far without her.

Anyhow, she reminded me that there are just some people who will never "get it"- and that even if they do they might be to overwhelmed with their own grief that they just look for reasons to put it out of their heads and not deal with it.  There are just those people who take an "ok, it happened, now lets move on and never speak of it again" sort of approach to life.  That is obviously not my approach at all and so of course I am going to find those people hurtful, and it will seem that they don't care.

Now, being a touch further away from the puddle of tears I was last night, I can also look at it a little bit more objectively and say that there are just those people for whom emotional pain does not "count".  So long as I was still recovering from the c-section, I "earned" understanding.  Now that it is "only" emotional pain, I should just get over it and move on.

The truth is, I was really hurt last night when I found out that someone close to me was given the opportunity to come be with me during those first few horrible days, and while all along I was being told there was no way, in truth they just chose not to take the option.  As it is someone who is supposed to care about how I am doing and want to b there for me, I am more than a little upset.  The truth of the matter is, as my conversational companion pointed out, she might not have wanted to come because she was worried that by being here she might make things worse.

On the other hand, even if they only came for a few days I would have appreciated it.

So I guess the long story made even longer is that I need to remember that there are those out there callous enough to really think I can just get over this and move on.  But that's not me.  The fact that they choose to handle their problems that way and that it might work for them, does not mean that it would for me.  If they can't understand where I am coming from, no amount wasting my breath trying to explain it will make one iota of difference.

Why is it that God chose to make it that those who love you the most can hurt you the deepest?

As always, please keep praying for Rachl Marmel bat Mindle Hinda Chaya for a speedy and complet pregnancy that ends in a healthy, happy baby.

Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

  1. 20 years ago the get over it and move on attitude was standard practise both in the field of medicine, halacha and clergy/counselling. Research has proven that philosophy ineffective.

    That is why the hospital had a camera on hand, kept a few token mementos and made sure that we got to spend a precious few moments with Gabi.

    The people who don't get it and cause the most pain are not going to change. Even, if you jumped up and down until you were blue in the face, they wouldn't listen and say something about you should stop jumping up and down because it was making your face blue.

    I know I am just rambling, but for the most part we have surrounded ourselves with the right people. Realizing others won't change and our inner circle is there to protect us from those people are the only way to get through it.