Just came from the fertility specialist. Basically we are starting from absolute scratch. She thinks I will be pregnant on my own before we are throu all the preliminary testing- yeah, as if. 13 years and it will all just magically come together now? So
Somehow I don't think so.

Everything is done in the women's centre of the kupah. Sitting in those same offices where I was so incredibly happy going through this is just more than I can bare. I really don't think I am goi g to be able to do this and survive.

I know they are all trying to help and to make things as painless as possible- the problem is there is no such thing.

This is going to be expensive and draining and I just don't know how I am going To make it through- never mind pay for it all! The genetic testing alone looks like it could run in the thousands of shekel And the will not move forward without it.

All I want is my baby.

And it ain't gonna be this Month or next Month either save by the grace of god and I do not trust his grace as far as I can throw it. Looking at possibly getting around to cycling once we get home- next fall :(


Now off to a wedding where I need to nehappy and on the ball for an old friend.
Back to living in pure dark hellish hopelessness.