I just realized that one of my biggest triggers is talking about our trip to Toronto this summer.  In my head from the very first time I heard it might happen it was the time to introduce Gabbi to all the family there who would not have seen her yet.  We would have spent our summer surrounded by people wanting to see us, to meet Gabbi, and oooing and ahhhing over the little pink bundle of joy.

We are still going to Toronto, but now we are going exactly the same as we went last year.  In fact, when I see people for the first time I expect tears not giggles.  Someone else will be getting the oooing and ahhing and "do you need us to sow down a little for you's)  (I am THRILLED for her that she does not have our problems, just sad for me that we do).

I did not realize until just now how excited I was to being, for the first time in a long time, one of the centres of attention for something good.  Yeah, not the best reason to be grieving I know, but I am the first to admit that while parenting is one of the most altruistic things you an ever possiby do, there is still something in it for yourself when people oooh and ahhh and compliment your child(ren).

As always, please keep davening.  Same bat name.  Same bat idea.