Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Had a pretty major breakdown last night.  I was in a position I could not get out of listening to 2 women complain about the aches ad pains of the 9th month and how one of them "did not even really want this kid anyway".  To put it mildly I did not take it well.  I had a major breakdown- made Jason come meet me to walk me home as I could barely stand up never mind walk straight to find my way.  I should have said something but I was way too busy trying not to bawl my eyes out or hit anyone.

After Channah was born a preemie I used to get furious when anyone talked about just wanting to get it over with early- you think I got angry then, just wait to see what happens when I get comments like that now!  Don't want the last 8 weeks no problem.  Lets see how you feel if your baby DIES and you still need to deliver the thing.  Lets see how thrilled you are not to have to go through your last month then.  Not that I wish it on anyone, but for God's sake people- know before you are speaking pertains to more than just prayer in shul.  If you do not know the stories of those around you and whether you might be seriously hurting someone, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT!  No one ever insulted anyone by staying silent.

I keep thinking I am doing so well then I have a breakdown like last night.

Good god I want to be pregnant again.  I never complained when I was and I certainly wouldn't this time around.  My father, my king, please grant me the only wish of my heart and grant another pregnancy as quickly as humanly possible.  It is either that or you and everyone else get to watch my brain fall apart piece by piece.


  1. you remind me of a poem i wrote in 2005:

    I Wouldn’t Wish This on My Worst Enemy

    I wish
    That my friends
    Would have to go from doctor to doctor to doctor
    Not getting answers.
    I wish
    Years of frustration
    Months of anxiety
    Days of tears.
    I wish
    Missed Abortions
    And pre-term labor that ends in failure.
    I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
    But I wish
    That my friends understood.

  2. I understand the sentiment entirely. I wish there was some way to make people realize the bracha that is a normal pregnancy and birth. Any one of a hundred things could go wrong- and there should be a party for each one that doesn't.