Thursday, April 21, 2011

To those who tell me I was either too attached or that I just have to learn to shrug it off and throw myself back into life.  You...

...spend 7 years praying for a baby
...spend 7 years hoping and wishing for a baby told it will never happen
...get the surprise of your life
...spend 8 months carrying the baby
...give up everything else in your life for the baby
...spend 8 months getting to know her every movement and pattern
...spend 8 months dreaming of what she will be like
... spend 8 months uncomfortable, visiting the doctor a few times a week, and not being allowed to do anything you enjoy and not complaining about any of it
...spend 8 months searching for the perfect name
...have major surgery with terrible follow up care
...BURY A CHILD- a very real child who looks like her sister, feels warm and soft like a normal baby, and through some one a million chance just did not wake up.
... feel a piece of your soul disappear in an instant and the world ripped out from beneath your feet.
...know your child is in a hole somewhere in the city but not know where, nor whether she made the "cut off" for a proper tahara process, or if they even used the name your chose
...Go home at the end of all this and watch all your friends continue to have the babies they had due and be surrounded by baby stuff of every genre.

Then and only then can you tell me to shrug it off and move on.

I do not wish the experience on anyone, but unless you have had it don't you dare tell me how to feel about it.