Well, more accurately, I have only recently started thanking God for anything. For the first few months we were not exactly on speaking terms. The truth is, until very, very recently I found secular books on grieving and loss to be much more comforting than anyone or anything telling me that it was all a part of God's plan and I should accept it.
Then I had someone tell me something that sort of changed my point of view. God is a big boy. He can look after himself. I can get as mad at him as I want, and he can take it. And so I did. I let loose with all the fury I could muster, and boy did I let it go. I went into my room and screamed and cried until my voice was gone and my eyes burned bright red. And then I realized that for the most part, my fury had burned itself out.
I now realize there must be something I am supposed to take away from this. I am not sure I know what it is, but obviously God thought I was not ready for such a precious gift as Gabbi's tiny, holy neshama.
I am now working on myself and my anger- after seeing the fury of which I am capable I have decided that maybe God took her from me as an opportunity to work on my temper and my anger. I will never, ever say loosing my little girl is a good thing, but I am trying to learn out something positive from it.
I am back on limited speaking terms with God now. Jason and I are praying with all our hearts and souls for a healthy and full term pregnancy as quickly as possible and doing everything we can to help that along- including focusing on tefilah and working on our midot.