In the last 2 1/2 months I have learned a lot about real friendship.  A friendship is not 2 people being in the same place at the same time.  It is not even two people with similar interests being in the same place at the same time.  It is not even necessarily people two people with the same interests and lots and lots of things in common in any two places on the planet be they next store neighbors or pen pals on opposite times of the world.

I have many friends with whom I do not have a thing in common.  They can be gay to my straight.  Atheist to my religious.  Vigorous excersizers to my well... not.  World travelers to my homebody.  Fashionistas to my I-would-wear-my-pajamas-all-day-if-I-could wardrobe.  They can be math and sciency to my writing and artsy.  Business to my creative.  Not a single one of those things matter in the long run.

A friend is someone who, no matter where they are, you know you  can count on to help you when you need them the most.  Someone who, failing pressing matters of their own will do their best to take your feelings and needs into account regardless of how busy they are.  They are the people who will prop you up when you feel like you can't stand on your own anymore.  The people you can call at 3am and say "I am falling apart and need you to help hold me together" and you know intuitively that they will be in the car before you manage to hang up the phone.

But they can also be people you have never met in your life.  They can be random internet strangers you have met in a chatroom who spend 3 minutes a few times a week sending you messages of hope and courage and telling you they believe in you.  It can be someone you "know" from a forum who has gone above and beyond anything you would expect even close friends or family to do for you.  It can be anything from sending you  something you can not find anywhere that they scoured there city for, or a stupid little piece to a game your kid lost that they don't need anymore.

A friend is someone who says "I want to be certain not to cause any unneeded pain even if it does mean walking on eggshells for a while".  Who may not understand your emotional needs but accepts them anyway.

But the one thing a friend is first and foremost is mutual.  A one sided friendship, no matter how well intentioned, is not going to stand the test of time.  A friendship has that is all take and no give is going to wear thin eventually when the giver gets sick and tired of being taken advantage of.

I spent a lot of years learning Pirkey Avot and it says pretty clearly oseh lecha Rav, v'koneh lecha chaver.  Make for yourself a Rav- it is a one sided relationship- you go to him with questions, he is there when you need him, he carries the weight of his entire kehillah on his shoulders.  Koneh lecha chaber- buy for yourself a friend- it is a  two sided transaction.  You need to give your friend a piece of yourself in order for it to be a real friendship.  There is no such thing as making for yourself a friend and placing all the responsability for the friendship on their shoulders.

To those who have been there by phone, by email, by text message, on forums, in chatrooms, and obviously in real life looking out for me, for my feelings, my emotions, my physical health and the health of my family.  To those who have done everything from laundry to making meals to making sure I got to see Channah's messibat siddur even though I was in the hospital having the worst week of my life.  To those who have been offering prayers and hopes and wishes from around the world, please know that you have my gratitude and that I would offer the same in a heartbeat to each and everyone of you.

Thank you.