I remember leaving the hospital after Channah was born. She was still in the NICU and likely would be for weeks if not months. On the car stereo we had journeys 4 playing and the song Mama Rochel came on. Here I was doing nothing but crying for my child. The lyrics were strangely appropriate. I made Jason turn it off.

Mama Rochel cry for us again

Won’t you shed a tear for your dear children?

If you raise your sweet voice now as then the day will come

Mama Rochel cry for us again

Won’t you shed a tear for your dear children?

Bi’zchutaich v'shavu vonim lig’vulom

Funny, here I am 7 years later, my beautiful girl is home and sleeping in the next room.  The last line of the chorous to me is one of the happiest song in the world.  Veshavu Banim Legvulam- your children will return to their borders.  It is the song sung in shul and pretty much every where new olim go.  To me it represents a whole new chapter of my life that, until 2 months ago was the best chapter of my life by a long shot.

But what of the rest of the chrous?  I may not be the Mama Rochel in the song (in fact, I rarely even answer to Rochel- Rah-chell yes, but not Rochel).  I have found myself praying and singing and raising my voice to beg God for what I want.  I have shed more tears for my dear children in the last 2 and a half months than would fill the Atlantic Ocean.

So why is it that with crying, begging, and raising my voice in tehilim and perek shira, the day still is not coming?  

What more do I need to do to gain God's attention?

As always, please keep davening for Rachel Marmel bat Mindle Hinda Chaya for a full term and healthy pregnancy followed by a healthy and full term pregnancy.  Maybe God will listen to one of you more than he listens to me.